S2EP19-Kevin R. Strauss-Why Love and Connection Matter More Than Ever in Parenting!

Herb: 00:00:19

Today I have the pleasure of introducing Kevin R. Strauss.

Kevin is an innovator, emotional health and wellness expert and CEO of uchi, a social app dedicated to strengthening relationships and improving behaviors.

As a trained biomedical engineer with more than 75 patents, a book titled Innovate the 1% and numerous peer reviewed publications in spine psychology and human behavior, Kevin's career has fueled his passion for understanding people and why we behave the way we do.

Kevin's mission is simple, to make life easier and happier for everyone by supporting Formula 4 wellness, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health.

When he's not developing solutions for balanced well being, Kevin enjoys expedition, backpacking, ballroom dancing and is a 24 year injury free Ironman triathlete and coach. Welcome Kevin Injury. It is a pleasure here to have you, to have you here today. My words are coming out backwards today. Very interesting.

So it's a pleasure to all, thank you for joining us and welcome to our show.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:01:26

Yeah, thank you so much. I'm happy to be here with you guys and see where our conversation leads.

I have a little bit of an idea of where we're going to go, but hey, you never know, right?

Kristina: 00:01:36

Exactly. Yeah. This show is all about family resources.

What can we give to our families to help them have happy, healthy, successful children through education, through real life, through everything that we need to help our families grow and be strong. And so when I was talking with you, it's like, you know, let's dive into that.

Let's find out about how we can give them a little bit more help making those solid foundations and continuing these conversations. So with this in mind, give us a little bit more about your passion.

Was there a specific incident or something in particular that sent you on this path that you were describing in your bio?

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:02:12

Actually, there was a specific incident or event.

So I mean, even when I was a teenager, teenager, I was always asking myself like, you know, why do I do this and who do I want to be, you know, things like that.

And, but then once I got out into the workplace and everything and I was an engineer, you know, I went to school for mechanical engineering and for biomedical engineering and, and I love all that stuff. You know, I love designing medical devices and, and all these patents and, and bringing products to the global market is super, super rewarding.

You know, helping people live easier, happier lives. You know, helping, you know, really getting people back on their feet. And that's, that's awesome and I love that.

But there was a time when I was working at a, at an organization and we were doing a lot of Grant research that was funded by NIH and these.

Basically, it's just we came up with ideas it could be, you know, anything from infection control to fall detectors to working with Alzheimer's patients. But the incident that, to answer your question is I was observing an argument between a father and his teenage daughter.

And I'm watching this argument and it occurred to me, they're not saying how they really feel. They're not saying what they really think.

If people could just truly say how they feel and what they really, truly think and the other people can hear that, you would have no argument. Like, that's just what I thought. Anyway, so that was the real spark. And from the.

Over the course of, you know, observing that conversation, that argument, you know, they're just butting heads till the next morning. I'd come up with this whole idea to help parents with teenagers improve their communication. But not just their communication, but their connection.

rted with this is all back in: 2001

Some of these people I'd only met in person once or not at all, actually. Like, my boss at the time introduced me to his niece because we shared an author in common that we liked.

Herb: 00:04:36

So.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:04:37

So we started emailing, but I never met her in person.

And we developed an incredibly close relationship just from writing email, which we know just from writing letters how close people can become, right? And how connected they can feel. And the only difference between letters and email is the speed of delivery. That's really the only difference, right?

So.

So I was like, well, parents and teens can do this, but they're not going to write each other email when they're, like, probably living in the same home, right? But I was like, what if we could just help them along with.

Because, you know, you open up a blank piece of paper or blank screen, what are you going to write? What if we just asked a couple of simple questions to get the conversation started?

And that's really how all of this got started, is just by asking a couple of simple questions that go below the surface, you know, not deep. It's not about your deep, dark secrets. It's going just below the surface to really find out, how do you see the world?

What is your perspective on the world? But what's so important is that it's not just the kids that are answering the questions the parents have to answer.

Also, because, like, we were just saying the parent. Parents are people too, right?

So if, if only the kids are answering questions, as they are often interrogated when they come home from school, when the parents don't answer the same questions or share the same kind of information, that's when we don't connect, we disconnect. You cannot have a relationship if just one party is sharing.

And that's one of the greatest pitfalls with parenting, is that the kids are always sharing, but the parents rarely ever do. I mean, my dad never came home from work, was like, oh, I gave this presentation and it didn't go over so well.

My boss isn't happy and I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it. I never heard anything about that.

Kristina: 00:06:28

Right.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:06:28

So how do you connect with your dad's failure? Because now you think, oh, dad's always perfect, everything goes well. Well, nobody's perfect, right? Especially parents. So let's help everyone along.

Ask a couple of simple questions that go just below the surface and get the conversations going. And it's amazing what people are willing to share in writing versus speaking in real time. It's hard to come up with it in real time.

And we're so afraid of the, of judgment and shame. That's what Uchi is all about, is just getting the conversation started with questions. And when people share, they connect.

And when they connect, it nurtures them emotionally, and then they're not in pain, and then their behaviors are just so much better. So that's really a big scoop right there.

Kristina: 00:07:19

And that, yeah, everything you were just saying there about those connections on paper, through paper. Right.

Really just being able to share and connect is amazing and, and so important because like you said, those teenage years, we start thinking, oh, our kids aren't going to understand or we don't understand them or whatever. And when those connections get made. So for example, like our son, he loves to share about like his video games and stuff.

And it's not top priority for us because we're not quite into sure exactly what he.

And, but he starts explaining and just giving that time to listen and try to understand and ask them questions about, well, what does that really mean? Or how do you interact this, you know, weapon or whatever you're doing kind of thing.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:08:01

Yeah, right. And even if, Right. And even if you're not interested in that topic, which I totally understand that, you know, I, I get it.

We're not always going to be interested in what everybody else is interested in, but if we can acknowledge what that person is sharing, it doesn't matter.

If you care or don't care about the topic, the subject matter, but just by acknowledging, like, oh, so you had some really good video game experiences today or something, that's acknowledging. So then your son, in this case, feels heard. And. And that's actually only, like, a little bit of the equation.

A huge part of the equation is validating the emotion behind whatever it is somebody is sharing. When you can validate the emotion, saying something like, it's probably so rewarding to reach that next level.

And then your son comes back and says, exactly. Then, you know, you nailed it. And your son is going to feel so heard, so understood, so valued.

And in our brain, how valuable we feel translates to how loved we feel. And love is a basic human need, just like air and water. And when you don't feel valued, like, we try to feel valued by accomplishments and accolades.

Right. By going in the potty all by ourselves. Right, right. So that's conditional.

We're already conditional, rewarding our kids by saying, yeah, you went in the potty. Here's a lollipop. Oh, you went in your pants. You're a bad boy. You didn't go in the potty.

That is conditional love, and that is already compromising that child's emotional health. We don't get it, but that's what's happening. Yeah.

And then when we do grades and when we do awards, all of this stuff is more conditional programming that if you achieve something, you have value. And if you don't, if you're not the top of your class, if you don't get a good test score, if you don't get a good grade, you're less valuable.

And that harms emotional health. That hurts, that causes pain. And a human will do anything to ease their pain.

And in the absence of knowing how to love and connect, that's when they turn to behaviors.

Kristina: 00:10:23

And it's one of those things. Actually, it brings me back to my teaching days. Whenever I would be, like, gone out of my classroom, right.

And then I would come back and I would give them the sub report. Oh, the sub said this and the sub said that kind of thing. And then I would turn it back on them.

I would say, you know, I'm really proud of you for the job that you did. How do you feel? And I would always put it back on them and have them internalize. Do they feel like they did a good job?

Did they feel like they lived up to expectations? Did they feel like they did the right thing?

Herb: 00:10:52

Right.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:10:52

Bringing it back to them and eliciting their Opinion. But here's. I'm sorry, I'm going to call you out on this. Here's the problem with all of that. You said, I'm proud of you. That's a judgment.

And then you said, how do you feel about yourself? Now you're asking them to judge themselves. That's not validating. That's judging. Now it might be positive judging, which feels good, okay?

But now we're still conditioning on judgment. We don't want to judge. We want to. I, I get it. You know, I, I get it. We. And this is the problem. So many. And I've.

I've had this with validation workshops and stuff where people think they validate all the time, but as soon as they disagree with someone, they can't validate them. That's because they were never validating them anyway. They thought that agreeing was that. Now, you weren't doing the agreeing thing.

But people think or believe that when they agree, they're validating. No, they're not. They're just sharing their judgment. What we need to do is validate the feeling or the emotion behind what's happening.

We don't agree or disagree. It's not a judgment. It's not a right or wrong. It. It's just. It's just highlighting the feeling and getting in touch so that you hear, you, you are.

You recognize that person's feeling. That's validating. And it's okay if you get it wrong, too, because they'll probably correct you. And now you. Now you know.

Now you know exactly how they feel. What a wonderful thing. So, so it's. I'm glad you shared that example because it's, It's a common way that we think we're.

We, we think we're validating or we think we're supporting, but we're judging. We just happen to be judging positively. We just happen to be judging positively in that instance.

Herb: 00:12:48

So I kind of have a question because, you know, we are about helping parents. So parents have, haven't been communicating with.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:12:57

Their, with their teen.

Herb: 00:12:58

They've been at it for a while. They hear about Uchi, they download Uchi. How do they get their kids and stuff to start using it? How? Because it's.

They're already having problems communication and suddenly mom and dad come up, say, here, do this. We're going to fix all of our problems. How?

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:13:20

Magic pill, right?

Herb: 00:13:21

Here's this magic program. How do we get started in this. How do we get teenagers who generally have kind of an issue communicating anyway to start using this?

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:13:33

Yeah, yeah. So that is a. That is really a fantastic question, because, you know, we're trying to get someone to do a behavior, you know, and.

And that's a hard thing to do. You know, even laws don't always dictate behavior. Even amendments and wars do not dictate behavior. Right. So. So that's a fantastic question, Herb.

What I might suggest is, is if there's already some strife, you know, in the family is. Is saying something, like saying something to your.

Your kid, like, hey, you know, I know we've been having, you know, challenges communicating and all I heard about this really fun app that just makes it a little bit easier. All you. You're not communicating directly with us.

All you're doing is answering questions from the app, and we're answering questions, and only we can see each other's answers. And it's just a way for us to share our perspective and hear each other's perspective on whatever topic we choose on the Uji app. That's it.

You know, you can write as much or as little as you want. It's totally private. Let's give it a try for a couple of weeks. Couple questions a day. That's all it is.

Kristina: 00:14:47

Yeah, that's. Yeah. Because without the direct.

Because the way that you were talking about sharing the app with me is that, you know, you're answering the questions, you're not actually responding directly to somebody.

It's not like our social media, where we are actually know, responding directly to somebody or with an email where we're responding completely directly. So, yeah, that level of distance, but yet at the same time, sharing the same information, I think yes. Can bring that connection.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:15:15

Yes. I call it indirect guided communication. Right? It's indirect because you're answering a question, you're not answering a person and their question.

You're answering a question, and it's guided because you're answering a question, but your. Your response is to the question, not directly to the person.

Now, you can always start commenting and having written conversation back and forth on the app. So. So let's say. Let's say you two were friends on Uchi, then those are the two main rules of Uchi. So on Uchi, it's super, super private.

So only your Uchi friends can read your answers, and they can only read your answer if they've already answered that question. Okay. So nobody else that you're not friends with can. Like, if we're not friends, I don't even know that you're on the app.

I can't even search for you like, there's no search option on the app. Uchi is not social media at all. There's nothing public about Uchi. It's 100% private. So now if.

If you two are friends and you answer a question well, you can comment on Christina's answer and she can reply back, and you can have a whole conversation under Christina's answer to a question, but you can also also have a completely different thread and answer conversation under Herb's answer to the same question. So it's not like a group text message or a group email or anything like that where all these different conversations are getting intermixed.

You can have a whole conversation under one person's answer and a whole separate conversation under another person's answer of the same question. But you have to be connected as friends. They need to be in your Uchi. So uchi is the Japanese word for in group or inner circle.

So it's all about connecting with your people and that's it. So, and all the questions, there's just, you know, hundreds, thousands of questions available on Uchi.

You just pick and choose, like, whatever you want to answer. Just know that you cannot read one of your friends answers unless you first answer that question. Right. That's the reciprocity.

Kristina: 00:17:28

Yeah.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:17:29

Right.

Kristina: 00:17:29

Yeah.

Herb: 00:17:30

And so if you want to communicate with your children, do you, like, send them the questions that you want? Like, hey, I answered this question. What is your answer? How do you.

Or because if there's thousands of questions, you just have to randomly hope that you pick the same question.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:17:45

Another really great question that you have there, Herb. So on Uchi, you have a feed, okay. Just like on Facebook or Instagram, there's a feed. Okay?

And in the feed, here's our algorithm, it's only answers and comments that are available to you. So only from your Uchi friends, or if you're an Uchi tribe, only the people that are available to you. And it's in chronological order.

So if, if one of your kids answers a question that you have not answered, you'll see that it's available, but it's locked. And you just click on it, answer it, and then it will unlock. So you'll know what's available to you because it shows up in your feed, but that's all.

Herb: 00:18:29

You'll be able to see the questions that your friends answered, but you will be able to see what they actually wrote until you answer it.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:18:38

Yep. Yep.

You'll see the topic, you'll see the question, you'll see that it's locked, and then you Click on it, then you can answer, and then you can read their answer.

Kristina: 00:18:49

So there we go.

Herb: 00:18:50

It says that, you know, you're interested. You're interested in psychology and stuff as well. So do these questions have, like, help topics for individuals? Is that kind of where we're going?

Are these. Are the questions designed to help people figure themselves out, learn about themselves, and then move through life easier, or are they just random?

You know, do you like peanut butter or chocolate better?

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:19:16

It's much more of the latter. So Uchi is not therapy. We don't know what your problems are. We don't know what you're dealing with.

There's infinite number of behaviors that people are struggling with. Right. So we don't know what that is. And I, I don't.

I don't want to know, and I don't have the capacity to know what all of the users, you know, what people are struggling with.

But what we have found is that once you have an opportunity to share that you like crunchy peanut butter and I like smooth peanut butter, or, or if you share a memorable experience from grade school, and I share a memorable experience from grade school, now we start getting to know each other as people. We start hearing each other's perspective, we become more familiar, we feel closer, we feel loved, and that's what drives behavior. So it's.

So what's really interesting is that sometimes in a lot of ways, the questions don't even matter. Just the act of knowing that I do care about you and I want to do this activity with you because I do love you.

That right there can open a lot of doors. And we've seen that.

You know, I had a parent wrote in one time, and they said, wow, things around the house have changed within the first week, you know, And I'm like, you haven't even done anything yet, you know, but just, I think.

I think just knowing that the parents are really interested in hearing the child's perspective and, and the parents want to share their perspective, but not in a, I know better than you, not in that kind of a way. It's, oh, here's something from my past, you know, Like, I learned that a couple.

A couple of years ago now, I learned that my father was the valedictorian of his sixth grade class, and he wrote, I was a valedictorian. I got to give a speech to the whole school. I never heard this story before.

He's in his 80s, and I've never heard that story, you know, so that's the kind of stuff that comes out in the written word. That doesn't usually come out in normal everyday conversation, you know, especially verbal conversation. And that's the thing about Uchi.

It's only the written word. There's no pictures, no video, no audio. There's no like button or heart. None of that. Right. It's only your words.

Herb: 00:21:41

Nice.

Kristina: 00:21:42

Interesting.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:21:43

Cool.

Kristina: 00:21:44

So you know, you were talking at the beginning also about, you know, the emotional and the mental well being of people. We've talked about how you're making these connections, really help with that, emotional and mental.

But you said there's a distinct difference between what you call emotional health and mental health. Can you talk about that a little bit too?

Because I think we want to dive a little bit deeper on these connections and things for parents and maybe give them a different perspective on what those things are and how they can help their kids.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:22:10

Oh yeah, I'd love to. I love talking about, I love digging deep into this kind of stuff. So, so you mentioned in the, in my bio, the formula for wellness.

So I see our overall well being like the four tires on a car and those tires are physical health, emotional, mental and spiritual. And my definitions for the emotional, mental and spiritual are very different than mainstream society.

I mean, this is stuff that's taken me like 20 years to really, you know, dial in. But for me. Oh. So back to the tires. So just like the tires on a car, you cannot just inflate one tire and think that car is going to run well.

But that's kind of what we do with physical health, right? Focus on your nutrition, focus on your fitness, you're going to be well.

Well, that's actually not true, you know, and if just one tire on your car is flat, it doesn't run well and neither do you. And that's where we are with emotional health. And emotional health is different from emotional intelligence.

So this is where things get really confusing for a lot of people. And I think this is why humanity is struggling so much because our definitions are not accurate to what's really going on. So I define.

So bear with me. This is going to be very different than what you've probably heard before.

I define mental health as a person's ability to focus, concentrate, think clearly, perform cognitive tasks. It's your thinking and reasoning ability.

It's your frontal lobe basically, okay, doing your schoolwork, right, doing your household budget, filing your taxes, if you do them yourself, doing your work right, that's your thinking ability.

So this is why high functioning, you know, depression or high functioning bipolar, it's because the High functioning is your thinking ability is still intact.

Kristina: 00:24:04

Yeah.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:24:05

Okay. That bipolar or depression or whatever the mental illness is, is actually an emotional health problem. It's a behavior.

Because these diagnoses of mental illnesses or mental health problems are actually all it is, is a title to a list of symptoms. Those symptoms are just behaviors, and those behaviors are how we try to ease our emotional pain.

So emotional health, according to my definition, is our ability to give and receive love, connection, and belonging.

Kristina: 00:24:41

I like those two definitions, and they make a lot of sense to me.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:24:45

Yeah, they make sense. Good. And just to. Just to round it out, Emotional intelligence. And you can, you know, look it up.

Emotional intelligence really boils down to our ability to recognize and manage our emotions. Okay.

So managing an emotion, we can try to do that with our 5% conscious brain, but we know from the neuroscience in the last five or 10 years that 95% of our thoughts, feelings, actions, and behaviors come from our subconscious. So if we think our 5% brain is going to regularly override our 95% subconscious, how's that working for us? It's not.

Kristina: 00:25:31

Not very well.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:25:32

Right.

Herb: 00:25:33

So it's not a little. I add complexity to all sorts of things you might have noticed from my questions. So I suffered a series of traumatic brain injuries.

I have a big occlusion in my left prefrontal cortex. I've damaged my emotional processing centers on my parietal lobes. I've messed up the back of my head.

So it's like, I've got pictures of my brain, and it's very pretty Swiss cheese in purple colors. So. So there's a lot of this stuff that it's like, okay, I can do that sometimes. Sometimes I. I'll.

I'll get up to a behavior, and then the behavior just doesn't happen. Or I'll get up to the emotion, and then the emotion just isn't there. Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not.

Sometimes the behaviors happen, sometimes they don't.

I thought I was actually going insane, which is why I went and had my brain scanned in the first place, because stuff that I used to be able to do sometimes was there and sometimes is not. It's like, oh, hey, I can do this. And it's like, great. And then I'll sit down to do it again, and it's like, it just doesn't happen. It's. Again.

I sometimes still think I'm going crazy. It makes me feel broken. You know, these words that I'm not supposed to use. So that sounds really frustrating. How does. How does this App.

How does what you're working with, how does that help someone like me? That's just so weirdly inconsistent.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:27:08

Well, first of all, like I was saying, it's like, that sounds really frustrating. I mean, to. To. Yeah, right. And. And, you know, wanting to be able to do something that you know you can do and then not being able to do it.

I mean, wow, that's hard. My little caveat is you. You might be the exception. You had a brain injury. Like, you had a. Like an actual traumatic event.

However, I also still know that every human needs connection. It's a basic human need. So the brain can constantly remodel, it does, our entire lives. That's the whole neuroplasticity. That's proven.

So even if part of your brain has been damaged, the other part or some other part can pick up the slack and remodel to continue to connect.

So Uchi is just a way to continue to reinforce your connections with the people you care about, and maybe part of your brain will start to remodel to account for that. I don't know. I don't know. But I do know that we all need connection.

I mean, that's how we got to where we are Today, you know, 200, 000 years of being homo sapiens. That's how we got here. You know, we need.

It's so funny, you know, we hear this all the time, especially now with school being like, we need an individual school teaching program for every child. And everybody's different. And, well, you know, we're all individuals, right? We are all unique energies in the universe.

We all vibrate at a slightly different frequency, okay? But even as Homo sapiens, we still all have the exact same basic human needs, and they are undeniable. They are absolutely undeniable. Right?

How many people on the planet need to breathe on a regular basis?

Kristina: 00:30:48

Everybody.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:30:49

Every single person. So we're all the same. We're all the same, right? Every single person has to breathe.

Every single person needs some form of shelter or protection from the environment. A house, a cave, clothing, right? We all need shelter.

You know, the rule of thumb is you can go three minutes without air, three hours without shelter, like in a storm or something, okay? 24 hours without sleep. We all have to sleep. You try to go 24 hours without sleep, you're going to be in a world of hurt.

I mean, you're gonna be hallucinating right? Now, you can train up for some of this, but that's the rule of thumb.

We can go three days without water, but you try and go 24 hours without water, you're messed up, right?

Kristina: 00:31:42

Yeah.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:31:44

And we can go three weeks without food. Again, we can train up and do different things, but that's rule of thumb, Right? So those are the five physical.

And there's actually two more, peeing and pooping. So try to go 24 hours without peeing or pooping. You know, like that. That's not good for our system. Yeah, Right.

And then, then there's the one emotional health need, and that's love. We are social creatures. We are literally designed to connect.

There is no hormone, there's no gene for evilness or badness, but there is a hormone specifically designed to help us love and connect and bond, and that's oxytocin. Because when we bond and when we work together as a family, as a community, we're. It's much more easier to survive, right? Yep.

We're much more effective when we hunt together than by ourselves. Right. It's a lot easier to build a shelter. I'll help you build your shelter, you help me build my shelter.

Maybe we'll build a community place for the, for the tribe. But it's a lot easier to build a shelter with others than by yourself. Right? So.

Kristina: 00:32:59

Exactly.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:33:00

So it's through connection that we thrive, but we're not nurturing that on a day to day basis. And that's why I created Uchi as a way to connect and bond emotionally and then it just goes from there.

So we don't have these mental health problems that everybody thinks because you can do your schoolwork, you can do your work work, you can be a high functioning.

I mean, Sigmund Freud was a cocaine addict, you know, so he was a high functioning addict because he did all his psychology work, even though most of his stuff's been proven wrong, but he did all his psychology work. He's high functioning, but he's also a drug addict. Right.

So you can be a high functioning because that's your mental ability, but your addiction is your way to try to ease your pain of not feeling that love and connection. So that's digging like deeper into the emotional health side where I don't see humanity has a mental health problem. We have a.

But we have a severe emotional health epidemic because we don't know how to connect. Yeah.

Herb: 00:34:06

A couple of things you said in that agreed with so much of it.

We help people take their kids out of school and start, and start homeschooling because you can, you can get that individualized education which we think is really important. For children.

Because right now there's so much of the blanket education and our children right now, less than half of, less than half of Americans can read at or above a sixth grade level.

And it's like, yeah, so our education system is messed up because it is, it is this weird blanket thing out there that's trying to teach the same thing to everybody. Not everybody learns.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:34:42

e level, this is back in like: 1900

Herb: 00:35:12

An industrialized society and we don't, we don't have industry here.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:35:16

So I agree. The education system is so flawed, like across the board, so.

Herb: 00:35:22

Right.

Kristina: 00:35:23

Yeah.

Herb: 00:35:24

Yeah. And so, like right now, our, our children, physically, we're the unhealthiest that we've been and we're one of the most unhealthy countries.

Our education is pitiful. You know, our, our, you know, we have the most kids on antidepressants in the world that we've ever had right now.

So there's mental, you know, that we're not.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:35:45

But it's not mental. That's the thing. That's the thing is the reason we're so physically unhealthy is we're trying to, we're trying.

We're still avoiding the emotional health component. So how many people eat their feelings, right? Oh, my, my girlfriend just dumped me.

I'm going to go have some ice cream or I'm going to go get drunk, right? I'm going to drink alcohol to numb. I'm going to eat food to soothe, right?

Or I'm just going to get depressed and wallow in my own, you know, misery because I don't feel loved or valued by that other human being. So it's not a mental problem.

Herb: 00:36:23

Take kids out of school. All of this is why we help.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:36:26

Well, whether it's in or out of school, it actually doesn't matter if it's, if it's some public school or private school or home school. The, the real key is that kids need connection.

And maybe in a homeschool environment, they feel more heard and understood because one, it's, it's probably their parent or maybe someone in the neighborhood because it's like a cluster because they feel really heard and understood.

The reason smaller Classrooms work like better in public school is because there's more of a 1 to 1 or, you know, instead of a 30 to 1 ratio, it might be a 10 to 1. And now the child feels heard and understood by that teacher. It's the connection.

We know from the data, we know from decades of data that the number one most important element of education, it's not the books, it's not the curriculum, it's not individualized programming, it's the parental involvement. It's not the parental involvement, although that's actually a big, big deal. It's the teacher student relationship.

Kristina: 00:37:36

Relationship.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:37:37

The connection. Tell me, tell me, both of you. This is like how unimportant school is. How did you learn your first language? Did you learn in school?

No, you, you didn't need school to learn a language. You learned a language before you were five years old, right?

You had role models, probably your parents, caregiver, but let's just say parents for sake of argument.

So you learned an entire language, maybe not all the nuances, but you learned enough to be effective before you were five, before any formal schooling, whether homeschool or public school or private or whatever, you learned it from your parents. Another example of this is I went to school for engineering. I have a master's in biomedical engineering.

I don't attribute any of that to me being such a good problem solver.

The reason I believe, and I wrote about it in my book a little bit, the reason I think I'm such a good problem solver is because I had an 18 year apprenticeship with my father.

I helped my father fix the washing machine, fix the dishwasher, build an addition onto the house, restore a Mustang convertible, do all the landscaping in the yard, you know, remodel rooms. I was his helper. I got so much education and my dad always wanted to do, build something new, try something new. You know, this is back in the 70s.

You know, I think I'm older than you guys. This is back in the 70s. You know, we had to like fix the television set, you know, with like vacuum tubes and everything.

I remember going to the hardware store, trying to figure out which vacuum tube wasn't working and everything. You know, we fixed things back in the day and I learned how to problem solve from my father. I didn't learn it in engineering school.

I learned theory in engineering school, but I didn't learn how to actually innovate. And that's why I have more than 75 patents, because I know how to identify the root problem and then come up with a Creative solution. That's simple.

I didn't learn that in school. I didn't. I'm sorry, I didn't.

Herb: 00:39:45

No.

Kristina: 00:39:45

And that's exactly what we talked about when we were talking about our holistic homeschooling. So it's not just the academics. We're talking about whole child, the whole family, the whole human being.

Those skills that you were just talking about working together as a family, feeling the connections and learning through life, as well as getting the ac.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:40:03

You're. You're really in it together. You know, you're like the whole. It's, it's not even.

Just like you said, it's not just about the formal academic education.

It's about just learning about life and oh, by the way, reading might help, math might help, but also learning how to reach out to someone and ask them a question or. Look, I'm really interested in video games. How can I get better at this video game? Work with your kid on that.

And it's a project that they're really interested in, but they're getting your support. And isn't that what we all just want?

Herb: 00:40:42

Yeah.

See, that's why we call it vibrant family education, because we're using the education of the children as a way to bring the family together more as a unit, to help the family grow, communicate, become more societally oriented and family oriented.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:41:00

Yeah, because we're all in this together.

Herb: 00:41:02

Because that connection is so important. And everything is falling apart right now.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:41:07

Is all world vision America and the world in the world.

Herb: 00:41:12

Western, Western culture is. They're taking. They're taking the children away from the families. They're taking the brothers away from the sisters.

They're putting in all of these, these stripes. And so the destruction of the family is how they're taking apart Western civilization.

And, you know, we kind of like our civilization, so we're really trying to rebuild those families.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:41:32

It'd be nice to continue to exist. I'm down for existing education.

Herb: 00:41:36

We're using the education of the children to start putting the families back together together. So that's. So we. We use like a vehicle focus, but it's really about the whole family coming back together. And.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:41:47

Yeah, and that's what we need. I mean, we need connection, whether it's your biological blood family or wherever you find that community.

That's why I said love, connection and belonging. If we don't feel a sense of belonging, I mean, how many people don't even feel.

Or how many people feel alone and isolated in their family living under the same roof, how Many people feel alone and isolated in a two partner relationship. Yeah. You know, we have like 50 divorce rate, you know, that's global. So.

So we don't know how to connect because it's not something we have intentionally nurtured. Because honestly, our priority as a species up until only like 75 years ago has been survival.

We just need to get food on the table and a roof over our head, you know. Yeah. So I do like to give a.

Herb: 00:42:41

Little bit of hope here. So like the marriage statistics, first time marriages, the divorce rate is only like 30%, so.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:42:52

Right.

Herb: 00:42:52

Yeah. But people who've been married like 3, 4, 5, 6 times, they bring the average down.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:42:59

It does. Yeah.

Herb: 00:43:00

But first time marriages of traditional kind of value, people, it's actually closer to 70% of first time marriages stay together, but the percent that break up, break up multiple times. So.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:43:14

Yeah, well, once you start, it's easier the next time to end.

Herb: 00:43:17

Right. Oh, I can't wait to get to my fourth divorce.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:43:23

Right. Yeah. You remind me a lot of my third wife.

Herb: 00:43:27

Right.

Kristina: 00:43:28

Oh my God.

Herb: 00:43:28

So, so it is, it is, it is better than 50%, but the 30% that, that have a problem, do it multiple times. So it is a little bit better than that. And as a family oriented person is like, no, there, there are still many, many benefits to a marriage.

We've been together for 35 years and.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:43:47

It'S like, yeah, wonderful. Congratulations. It's wonderful. I mean, to have a partner in life again, it's a basic need, you know, we need it.

And if we're not getting it from, if we don't have a partner, if we don't have close friends, I mean, I've got friends I've been friends with for 50 years. You know, literally like best friends for 50 years. Like how many people, you know can say that? I mean, I'm super lucky. Lucky and grateful.

You know, my parents are still married, alive and married. And they've been, you know, 65, I don't even know, some 66 years. They've been, I don't know, something like that. Yeah. You know, so it's wonderful.

It's keep hope alive, keep up alive.

Kristina: 00:44:28

Exactly. Kevin, this has been a great conversation. I really feel that, you know, parents are really going to get some good benefit out of this conversation.

Like we were talking about, you know, the difference between the mental. The mental, the emotional and all the different connections and things. So this has been wonderful.

Can you please let the families know if they're real? They're like super excited about what we've been talking about.

They're like, oh, you know this thing called Uchi that Kevin has right there where we are willing to give it a try. Give them the information of how to get a hold of you and what's available.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:44:57

Yeah, absolutely. So you can find and download the Uchi app. It's spelled Uchi. Free to download and free to make your account on the App Store and Google Play.

So it works on any tablet or Chromebook as well. The website is uchiconnection.com and that's like all the social media, not that we're doing social media.

And then for me personally, my website is KevinR Strauss.com and that's same for my LinkedIn and most all of my social media. Again, social media is like that one way out. But Uchi is a two way private with just your people. And again, Uchi is free.

But if you want to use Uchi like Herb, you were talking about some questions that are specific to your challenges in your home or subject matter that you're talking about or whatever it is.

There is a feature on Uchi where you as a tribe leader, you pay a small fee and you can come up with the questions and invite a small group of people. Maybe it's just your family, you know, and you guys answer the questions that you came up with.

This has been super successful with like church, youth groups, classrooms where teachers come up with the questions, bosses for their team, for team building. And it's really fun when you're not talking about subject at hand, problems or subject matter, when you're just getting to know each other as people.

And that's what starts the foundation of connection, which nurtures the emotional health which drives better behaviors.

Kristina: 00:46:34

Wonderful. As we begin to wrap up, I really want to encourage our audience. You've been here, you've been listening. Remember that.

We don't want to just take all this great information and just file it away in our brain or put it in our pocket. We want to actually take something and use it. So stop and think right now.

What is one thing that you heard today that you can do to help you and your family bridge that connection and do something a little bit more to help all of us in society by being a strong, healthy and happy family? Stop and think about that right now, just for a second. And then, Kevin, we're going to end with final words from you.

Is there something that we didn't quite reach today that you wanted to talk about or one more piece of advice for those.

Herb: 00:47:13

Yeah, man, I really wish we had got here today. What's that.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:47:18

You just said? Take a moment and really be intentional about what do you want for your family? And. And I don't really have anything else to add unless.

Just give Uchi a try for, you know, two weeks. A question a day keeps the therapist away.

Kristina: 00:47:36

You know, I like that. Thank you so very, very much.

Herb: 00:47:40

Thank you for being here today. Kevin, it has been a pleasure to have you here. Thank you for putting yourself out there.

You know, so many people have these kind of problems, but then they don't. They just want to talk about it. They don't actually try and find solutions.

And not only are you finding solutions, but you're out there sharing it with the world, putting it out there, opening yourself up to all sorts of issues by. By making it public. You know, so many people just. Absolutely. It's so much easier just to disappear. But you're out there.

And so you went out there, you conquered your dragon, you came back, and you're sharing your wisdom with the world. So you are on a hero's journey. You are a hero. Thank you so much for being here today.

Thank you for your work, and thank you for trying to make life better for people.

Kevin R. Strauss: 00:48:22

Thank you. It was a pleasure and an honor.

Kristina: 00:48:25

Thank you. All right, audience, you know what to do.

It's time to share and like and subscribe and all of those things to make sure that other families get this wonderful information. Until next time, bye for now.

Herb: 00:48:36

Bye for now.